I should probably insert a little disclaimer here that goes something like this: The Only Road Trips I've Ever Gone On Have Been With My Mom and Dad and Not Even Very Far, I Know, Right? But I Still Love You Mom and Dad! And furthermore: this entire list is compiled of the trip I've been planning in my mind for years, not a real life experience that might actually lend this blog post any credibility. Just so you know.
Anyhow, the following list details the must-haves of the must-haves mapped out (hahahaha~) in the Road Trip of My Dreams.
Point one (by the way, it's an 8-point plan), onward ho!
1. Trail mix. And I don't mean just any trail mix (a la Costco). No, I mean a Trail Mix Party. You've never lived until you've had a TMP. And, you know what? I have never lived. How sad is it that we don't stop and smell the roses? That we don't set aside a few moments once in a while to gather with good friends and mix some trail? The TMP is a rite of passage for all road-trippers, to be observed the night before takeoff. Here's a little known fact: the more trail mix you eat, the better it gets. I swear on this, I do. I don't like trail mix now, but by hour five it's my new jam. You, too, can truly live. Trail Mix...waitforit...Party!
2. Playlists. By now you think you know what I mean, but you might be wrong. Sure, playlists are pretty road trip-obligatory. You know, some catchy stuff, the must-have Spice Girls blasting down the open road. But in the hands of truly prepared and truly awesome road-trippers, playlists become weapons of the ultimate awesome. Say you have a party of 4 members and have scheduled 52 hours of scheduled drive time. You know what you do? That's right, you go splitsies. If the average song is, say, 4 minutes and 15 seconds, that gives you more-or-less gives each member the responsibility of 187.9 songs. Ouch. Well, if you throw in some audiobooks, naptimes and repeats, these numbers become less daunting, especially if your road trip is shorter or you have more members. Anyhow, there's more. After each person has compiled their share of the music, the key is this: learn it, all of you. It's ideal to set this part of the plan into motion a few weeks before your trip, giving each member enough time to learn all the lyrics of the songs in your special playlist. Throwing in some extra strange/silly/annoyingly catchy songs, or even songs in other languages is highly encouraged. The fun of this is that nothing brings people together quite like knowing the same songs.
3. Find your large ball of yarn. Or, quirky rest stops. No matter where you go, there is probably something on the way. A really famous restaurant with an out-of-this-world burrito (nom!), the largest gas station in the world, a yogurt fesitval, the city where Elvis was born, etc. If you look hard enough, there is always something, some place you've been waiting to go your entire life (only, you didn't know it). Can we stop for that burrito now?
4. The Twilight audiobook. This is probably cheating, as it ought to have been mashed up with my playlist point, but, in my opinion, this little gem deserves a number all it's own. I have listened to this audiobook all the way through. I'm ashamed to say it, but there it is. And it's just really great. This may not apply to every adventurous gaggle, but for my own compadres this is the icing on the Route 66 cupcake. Though this audibook is better enjoyed in doses. Five chapters here, five there. And after you've choked on your own saliva, just skip over the next two books and slip in Breaking Dawn. You're welcome.
5. Photos and optional music video. I think it's pretty well understood that any true road trip deserves an album all it's own and about a thousand pictures of nothing in particular. But I really think a music video would just set the tone for the rest of your life, especially to a really awesome but completely nonsensical song like Arabian Nights from Aladdin or something for Lord of the Rings. Drama is great, especially around a giant ball of yarn. Not to mention linedancing in your hotel bathroom, krunking on the side of the road, crying in the diner. The possibilites are really endless, so long as you can dreeeaaammm!
6. Road trip dare-or-dare, but mostly just dare and other games.
Mary: Jacob, dare or dare?
Lot: Daredardare!
Jacob: Dare!
Mary: I dare you to propose to anyone withn ten feet of the giant ball of yarn!
Rahab: I'm next!
And so on.
Honestly, it depends on the people. But with all the different locales and settings, there have got to be some pretty awesome dares out there on the road. But this game is by no means the only way to entertain one another on the road there and back again. Write down tons of questions, unique ones, and ask them of everyone; you might be surprised. I mean, what kind of bender would you be? What would be your super power and why? If you could marry anyone in the world, who would it be? What is your favorite book? What is the worst song on the planet? If Santa Clause was six feet away, what would you say to him? The thing is that they can be silly, insightful or meaningful. And why not write a book one sentence at a time, about Shelly the purple dragon who's got asthma and is afraid of dandelions. New York Times Best Seller, man.
7. TAKE ALL THE SNACKS!
8. And lastly: take people you trust with your life. And by that, I mean someone you would let pull the cord on your life support and vice-versa. These are the people I woud tolerate for hours on end. And not just tolerate, but have the time of my life with. The people who I can show my Canadian Dance to - who will only be mildly repulsed, but, all the same, ask to see it again. The people who I trust my playlist with, people who understand why TMP are the bee's fanciest knees. People I want to be next door neighbors with forever. People who send me cards with old ladies on them talking about pool boys. People who would not only let me make a right fool of myself, but join in as best they could. People who just get TMP.
You're probably cordially invited to this.
Toodle Pip.
