I heard it from [insert person],

Or get an opinion of your own already.

Where to start? I've been meaning to write this for some time, and I got some extra special inspiration today. Let's just say it already, two of the most controversial words in all of religion: Harry Potter. Now, a caveat: I love Harry. I've only read Rowling's first novel, but I've seen all of the movies in theaters, a couple of them opening night. And, believer though I am, I love the series and will finish up the remaining six books. So, as I way saying, Harry Potter is a big deal in the church. He's mainly thought to be Satan's right hand wizard, evil and wretched as can be, corrupting the morals of boys and girls everywhere. Ah, the hysteria. Even if you've never been to church, you know. It's serious taboo, depending on the church. Picture it, if you will.

I'm on a movie date with my grandmother and her friend, Pat, a fellow widow. Pat's granddaughter is also there. Guess what we're seeing? I think it was Nancy Drew, so it was ways away and I still remember. During the previews one of them is for the latest Harry Potter movie, which I think was Halfblood Prince but I'm not positive. A second after it finishes, Pat gasps: "No, there is no way I'm letting any grandchild of mine see that sorcery," is a furious whisper. Another caveat: get used to this. Good Christian mothers and grandmothers and aunts and fathers and older brothers cringe away from the evil that is Harry Potter. 'Cause, you know, it's evil.

But, for the sake of science, run a little experiment. Bring up the Boy Who Lived to fellow churchgoers. After the writhing and the sputtering bump to a stop, say with your best poker face: "Ah, so you've read the books?" And then watch and listen, because there will be a pause. And add: "No? Then the movies?" Wait out the next silence, and then: "Not even the trailers?" You scientist, you. This is problem #1. Whoever told you Harry Potter is evil heard it from someone who has never read the books/seen the movie from someone who has also never done anything but heard it from someone else who never read the books or seen the movies. It's pure ignorance. And I mean no disgrace to churches everywhere, mine included. Because my church has a lot of great, wise, true things to say. This just isn't one of them.

But if that wasn't enough to satisfy Pat or whatever church widow or mother or aunt or father who came to me, swearing I was a heathen for defending Harry Potter, let us plow on. I've gathered a few points against the magical franchise from legitimate religous Potter Hatters.

• God shows us that witchcraft, sorcery, spells, divination and magic are evil.
  

It's here where I think we need to define witchcraft -- what it really is in the context of real life and what it is in Potterverse. What it really is is evil, and that's not something I'm morally able to argue. We're talking demons here, deals with the devil, selling souls kind of dark stuff. That's seriously creepy. But Harry Potter, while not blind to the term witchcraft is more... magic. Playing sports with broomsticks, transporting dimensions. Let's see: imagine, if you will, a gun. If someone in my church found out my parents had a gun for whatever reason -- hunting, self-defense -- they would not eye us like heretics. Not like they would if I had a magic wand. But, you know what a gun can do? It can kill people, a lot of people. It's got the potential to protect my family or to hurt somebody else's. It can be in good or bad hands. The magic in Harry Potter is very much the same; it is a gun, for all intents and purposes. There are good wizards and bad wizards. Some who want to hurt, and the others who protect. There is a very defined line of right and wrong, and magic has nothing to do with it. Guns and knives and words can do anything that magic can, in the world of Harry Potter.

• The movie's foundation in fantasy, not reality, doesn't diminish its power to change beliefs and values.
  

As a good friend once said, "Is there anything in The Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings that looks like magic to you?" Both have movie adaptions, both written by religious authors penning spiritual themes into both series' -- both are magical. Like I said earlier, Harry Potter is no different than, say, a Disney movie. Bad guy, good guy. Good guy fighting to save the world, teaching strong morals, setting boundaries of what is good and what is bad. A classic struggle. Seriously, how many people go to see these movies being transformed into Wicca converts because they saw a Harry Potter movie. What they take from the films are Harry's perseverance and his vow to not let evil overcome us. How is this different than us?

• God tells us to "abhor what is evil" and "cling to what is good."
  

Team Harry.

• Blind to the true nature of God, children will blend (synthesize) Biblical truth with pagan beliefs and magical practices.
  

Ohmygosh. Fine, don't take you children to see movies every again. Don't let them watch TV, read books. Why, one minute they're reading Nancy Drew and then they think their sleuths on the search for gold. Don't even think about putting news on in your household. Next thing you know your kids are high-jacking a Southwest headed for the Everglades. Seriously, don't have double standards. I'm not suggesting that, with PG-13 ratings, your children should be watching Harry Potter, not at all. Because I think they shouldn't, not until they're old enough to handle any PG-13 movie. But, seriously, if you're that scared, move far into the woods.

• While some argue that Harry and his friends model friendship and integrity, they actually model how to lie and steal and get away with it.

Said this writer. Conveniently with no examples. You know, kids can liestealgetawaywithit without Harry's help. They learn just fine from the real, adult peers in their lives. I argue that Harry does teach a model of friendship and integrity. Harry, Hermione and Ron go through the entire ordeal of all seven books together. They stick with one another - love, support, carry on. But, had someone never read the books/seen the movie, they wouldn't have the chance to actually see this.

*waves hand* These are just some of the major complaints from anti-Potters. None of which, when you actually read or watch through, stand well enough on their own. I mean, if you can't get over the fact that there is magic in the books and movies, that's cool. It is. But don't go telling other people the evils of Harry Potter with such ignorance, especially if you like Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie or anything with satan's fingernail polish magic in it. I mean, the magic and the gun thing is how I see. There's good and bad. This isn't the demon-summoning, devil-dealing witchcraft we're talking here. And you might say that having anything to do with that, evil or not, is enough to condemn the books then I don't know what to tell you. But it's not that big a deal. It's a book series. It's inspired children all over the world to read, to dream, to want to be good and noble and loyal like Harry Potter. Those are great things. And, moreover, J.K Rowling is a fabulous author. She's witty and smart and adventurous.

So, I'm not saying to go rent all movies and have a marathon. If you don't like the books, fine. Just don't freak out about them, because, well, it's really stupid.

EDITEDITEDIT: OHMYGOSH, I kid you not. For those of you in-the-know. Remember that insane bible track thing Becca got with her birthday stuff, referencing Lucifer Dethroned, some memoir about a 'real' ex-Vampire. Where I got the bulk of these points, the article - it REFERENCES THAT BOOK, chapter 18, as see also. Givehimthebusiness!

Toodle Pip.

Some Girls Are

You know, I wish I had something awful witty and hip to blog about (are the kids still saying 'hip' these days?).

As you can imagine by reading my opening line, no such luck. Incoming: I have two massive earaches, one in each ear. Stuffy, hurting, voila. Even as I write this, I wonder where it (said topic-less blog post) is going. Let it ruminate. This is dangerously becoming a rant about my ears, both of them, but if you look below to the stomach flu post, I've already filled my Why me, Why me! quota for the month. So, let me think s'more. Well, mostly, I've been reading a lot lately, trying to get to the finish line of my Goodreads challenge as quickly as I can. I just hit 25 out of 50 books for the year, which is sad, but last semester was a doozy - just not time for reading. Are the kids still saying 'doozy' these says? I digress.

Oh, but now that I think about it, something irked me in a book I read today called Nature of Jade by Deb Caletti. It was just okay, a little blah, a little boring. It was just okay; mixed feelings, really, and I had to slug through parts - at times, chipping the nail polish of my fingernails was more fetching. So one of the characters in this mediocre novel, Jenna, recently goes to Bible Camp and becomes a Christian. And, all of a sudden, she can't stand to be around anyone who uses the word God out of context or uses foul language. And I get it, I do, especially for a new Christian - it's like, "I AM ON FIRE!" for God and his causes. It's not so much that she does these things, per se, than the way Caletti writes Jenna. Jenna is a stick in the mud, chafes at anything that doesn't have WWJD scrawled across it. And I'm just like, I hate when people do this, assume because Jenna doesn't curse or party or drink that she's got to be written as an uncompromising shrewd.

And not even just the way religious girls are portrayed in media. But in another book I read yesterday, Some Girls Are, the Queen Bee of the bunch Anna is an unrelenting harpy out to ruin the lives of unpopular students. Life isn't cut-and-dry like that -- people are not cut-and-dry like that. They are not all they appear to be; on fire for Jesus or queen of the school. There's a story behind everything somebody does. They are not simply mean or simply nice. I don't like curse words or God out of context and I don't party, but, at the same time, I'm not the Christian Police, especially to people who believe other things. In a book spewing how misguided that stereotypes are, Caletti wrote Jenna as an extremely stereotypical Christian teenager. Pious, annoying. To be fair, she wrote that way about the cheerleader too. Come on, cheerleaders need love.

It wasn't about that Jenna was Christian or that Anna was popular. It was about that they were not given any kind of chance to show the reader that, yes, sometimes we can be like this, but, no, we are not who you think we are.

Toodle Pip.

Spoken Word Stomach Flu

I'm blogging about goulash. Imagine, if you will, a, b, c.

You will never feel the same about it, once it goes through your nose.

Marinated with tapatio, cayenne pepper, garlic salt, spices.

Especially when it goes through your nose multiple times.

Trust me.

It was only a small bowl, maybe a handful or a little more.

But it produced, perhaps, a gallon of byproduct. Who knows?

Only the toilet will ever know.

How is that even possible?

Only the toilet knows.

Got a blueberry icee from ampm -

in the am, there was blue in the toilet bowl.

*breathe* Only the toilet knows,

my sorrows, my woes, my lunch.

Forever in the pipes of life, only the toilet knows.

About me and goulach.